This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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