i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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