She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm just crazy horny about you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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