Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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