I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
