Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
