Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Terrible idea I love it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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