Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My vagina is very pro this idea
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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