East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
