batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
