TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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