See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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