I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
