FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
