do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
