i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
