Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
