Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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