I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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