wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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