My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
