I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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