I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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