sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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