I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just gargled with NyQuil
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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