Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
