feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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