And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
