umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Congratulations! We have a period
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
