Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wish my penis had a tongue
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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