just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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