And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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