Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
