I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
