she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
