Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
