i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
