dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
