She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
