The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
