dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
