did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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