Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
