she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Bring me that man meat
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
