Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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