There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize