Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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