According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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