Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
