dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
