I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize