i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
