I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
