So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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