Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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