We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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