4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
