i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
