It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
