I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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