Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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