I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
