I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am available for nakedness
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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