I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
