Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Life is so much better after having sex.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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