: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
