I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
a search helicopter?!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
