he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
