I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize