I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
