Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
