The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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