he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
