If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize