she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
