i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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