What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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