Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
